Archive for the 'AFI Top 100' Category

06
Nov
09

#98: Unforgiven, #30: Treasure of the Sierra Madre, #26: Dr. Strangelove

Sadly, my journey down the AFI list has been moving rather sluggishly the past few weeks.  Top priorities have been the wedding I attended in Arizona and Halloween festivities.  While I didn’t find time to catch a flick as the bride walked down the aisle or in between slamming back Solo cups of ghoulish punch, I managed to see a few films despite my demanding wide open schedule.

While my quest is noble and sometimes tedious, I have to remember that I’m not the only one who has set out to complete the film challenge.  Enter Mike Harvkey, who is in the list of links when I search “AFI Top 100, man, woman, watch.”  And though Mike has wisdom, age and many more writing credentials on his side, I’m farther along on the list.

Then there’s Shau, which I want to say is his actual name, but might have just accidentally left off the “n” when creating his blog.  I gotta hand it to the guy, he strives for organization, thoroughness, and an overall multimedia experience that my blog just can’t compete with.

Unfortunately, there are those who never complete the crusade.  Take for instance BugAJ.  He started in December 2008 and stopped watching in January 2009.  It should be noted here that he was watching the revamped 10 year anniversary edition of the list, which in my view is blasphemous and not the true AFI list.  His blog remains as barren as an old ghost town.  I wonder what made him quit.  Probably decided to get a life, unlike us poor schmucks tethered to our DVD players.

Though it takes some wind out of my sails to know others are taking on the film list to end all film lists, it’s comforting to know that someone else in this world is ransacking their local video store to find a copy of Dr. Zhivago because Netflix doesn’t have a copy.  Each person has their own way of tackling and documenting the list, but our goal remains unified: watch all 100 AFI movies so we can be pretentious snobs about it.  And with that, I wish my fellow comrades the best of luck.

Unforgiven_2Who woulda’ thought that one of the greatest westerns of all time would be made in my lifetime?  And who woulda’ thought it’d star Clint Eastwood?  Okay, I guess that part’s plausible.  Unforgiven (#98) takes all your standard western genre fodder and shakes it up a bit.  Eastwood (who directed the film as well) plays William Munny, an ex-gunslinger who hangs up his spurs and evil ways after his wife’s death.  When word gets out that a group of prostitutes are willing to pay big bucks to avenge an attack on one of their girls, Munny and pals (Morgan Freeman and Jaimz Woolvett) head to the little town of Big Whiskey to collect.  However, machiavellian sheriff Little Bill (Gene Hackman) is waiting for them and will stop at nothing to keep order in his town.  Unforgiven pokes holes in the western mythology and replaces them with real bullets and real sacrifice.  However the dialogue begs the question, did people in the old west frequently use modernized cuss words?

Brett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett Head4 out of 5 Brett Heads

TreasuremadreFred Dobbs and Bob Curtin (Humphrey Bogart and Tim Holt) are just a couple of gringos looking to make a buck in the film The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (#30).  A chance meeting with an old prospector (Walter Huston) sends the trio scouring the mountains of Mexico for gold.  But after striking it rich, Dobbs becomes delusional and consumed by greed, determined to get his share… and more.  Yes, this movie features the highly misquoted line, “Badges?  We ain’t got no badges” (this being the correct delivery).  Despite memorable quotes and superb performances, the film loses its stride midway through on account of poor pacing.  Either that or poor attention span, as I was more concerned with pictures of Kim Kardashian in my girlfriend’s Cosmo.

Brett Head Brett HeadBrett Head3 out of 5 Brett Heads

Drstrangelove1sheet-Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (#26) might be the funniest movie about nuclear war ever made, or rather, the only funny movie about nuclear war.  The story follows a U.S. Air Force General as he acts on his own authority to launch a preemptive attack on the Soviet Union.  As a result, the President and his advisors scramble to thwart a nuclear holocaust.  With Kubrick behind the camera and an explosive cast (no pun intended) in front (Peter Sellers, George C. Scott, and Sterling Hayden), this dark comedy is definitely worthy of a place on the list.  The best part?  Sellers plays not one, but three standout roles, making him the Eddie Murphy and the Klumps of his day.

Brett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett Head5 out of 5 Brett Heads

14
Oct
09

#55: The Sound of Music

Remember that wedding I told you about?  Well, it’s now officially one week until my flight leaves for Arizona.  This means that my job search will momentarily be put on hold while I fulfill my best man preparations, namely wrapping gifts, signing cards, writing my ENTIRE BEST MAN TOAST SPEECH!  I’m having a mini panic attack.  I haven’t prepared a speech since my public speaking class sophomore year (nor has anyone, I suppose).  I’m not usually nervous about speaking in public, but this occasion holds much more significance than a speech explaining what you did over the summer to a group of burnt out undergrads.  This is more  like the State of the Union for civilians.  And it’s been a long time since I’ve had homework.

Sound_of_musicSomehow, in the time that should have been spent writing this damn thing, I find the time to watch a three hour movie.  The Sound of Music (#55), is highly revered in my family.  It’s one of my mom’s favorite movies (she knows all the songs by heart, apparently) and it’s also the first film my dad ever saw as a child.  Over the years, I’ve watched bits and pieces on TV.  Thanks to various records, tapes and songbooks of my childhood, I was already well acquainted with the music.  But as far as sitting down and watching the film all of the way through, it’s a feat I had not yet accomplished.

Julie Andrews plays Maria, a spunky wannabe nun who is ordered by her Austrian convent to go out and give the real world a try.  Her mission: to tame the seven unruly Von Trapp children and turn them into a nationwide singing sensation.  Okay, the singing is more of a byproduct to loosen everyone up, especially their stern father, Captain Von Trapp (Chistopher Plummer).  But doesn’t it sound like a great sitcom or reality show idea?  Partridge Family meets American Idol, all the while fleeing the Nazi regime in Austria.  Sounds like Nielsen’s gold.  In the end, Maria eventually gains the affection of the children through her inspirational and educational songs.

Maybe I can take a page or two out of Maria’s book.  Let’s start at the very beginning (which she says is a very good place to start).  My speech will need an introduction, thanking everyone for coming, thanking Brandon for bestowing this great honor on me.  Perhaps it would be a good idea to introduce myself as well.  It should sound a little something like this:

“Er, um…I’m Brett, Brandon’s best man.  I live in Missouri with my parents and I have no job.  If you are in a position of power and would like to give me one, please see me after the reception.  For those who don’t know me, basically everyone here, I met Brandon when he moved in across the street.  The element that first brought us together was our common fascination with film.  From that point all the way to junior high, I would go over to Brandon’s house and watch movies.  Mostly because he had access to rated R movies, which were strictly forbidden to youngsters at my house…

Oh no.  Is that joke too off color?  Am I making Brandon’s mom and stepfather look like bad parents because they unknowingly let us watch violent, nudity ridden films right under their noses?  Will this unravel the very fabric of Brandon’s new family dynamic?  Will Brandon and Melissa get a divorce only an hour after their wedding?  Will Brandon’s parents ground him a whole 18 years after such incidents occurred?  I can’t do this.  I’m feeling too stressed.

But what would Maria say to do in one of her songs?  I know!  I’ll simply remember my favorite things, and then I won’t feel so bad!  Let’s see.  How about…

Beers in tall glasses and burritos with chicken

Small pups and D-cups and coasters that sicken

Drum solos, old books, and hot onion rings

These are a few of my favorite things.

That seemed to help.  Back to the speech.  I guess the point I want to emphasize the most in the toast is that Brandon holds a lot of passion and excitement for things in his life.  Upon meeting the guy, you wouldn’t perhaps pin him down as an overly outgoing guy.  His favorite things list would include European prog-metal, David Lynch movies, and funky camera shots (if you could find a way to rhyme that).  But I know that his overwhelming giddiness extends far beyond pop culture.  Brandon will undoubtedly treat his marriage with the same spirit and cheer that he gives every thing I’ve seen him take on in the past.

Now if I could find some way to put that into words and write it down.  Oh wait, I just did.  Already have a few toast lines in the bag.  Add in a few more embarrassing memories and memorable quotes, I’ll have this thing cranked out in no time.  And of course I’ll thank Rodgers and Hammerstein.  You know, for providing inspiration.

Brett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett Head4 out of 5 Brett Heads

11
Oct
09

#46: A Clockwork Orange

Part of my job as boyfriend and self proclaimed film scholar is to introduce my girlfriend to movies she hasn’t seen that will potentially make her very uncomfortable and question my character.

Clockwork_orangeAAs was the case with A Clockwork Orange (#46).  Listening to me blab over the years that this film is a contender for my favorite of all time, she thought it necessary to finally view it as I made my way through the AFI list.  So armed with a bowl of spinach dip and glasses of strawberry daiquiris, we strapped ourselves in for the two and a half hour roller coaster ride that was to follow.

Even from the synthesized chords of “The Funeral of Queen Mary” and the bright, blank red screen that start the opening title sequence, Amanda had a look of frustrated disgust on her face.  It’s the kind of look I probably sport when asked to hold her purse while she tries on countless outfits at the mall.  So far, I think we’re even.

The film is told from the perspective of humble narrator Alex (Malcom McDowell, a young malchick who loves performing a bit of the old ultraviolence and in-out, in-out on weepy young devotchkas.  Oh wait, I’m sorry.  For those of you who don’t speak Nadsat (the fictional Russian inspired English used in the Stanley Kubrick film, as well as the Anthony Burgess novel), he basically likes to rape, pillage, and beat the crap out of people.  In the futuristic world of A Clockwork Orange, Alex and his droogs (friends) show that the young are a force to be reckoned with.

For Amanda, this onslaught of cockney sounding dialect and gratuitous violence within the first ten minutes was already proving to be too much.

“I can see why you like this movie,” she said sarcastically as Alex and his pals pummeled a drunken tramp.

I replied, “Just wait, it gets better.”

“There’s too many boobs,” Amanda said, upon seeing at least the third pair so far.  Okay, so I wasn’t fairing too well.  But I figured once the plot kicked in and the film’s biting social commentary began, I would make a convert out of her yet.

A Clockwork Orange 1971

This is what it took to get Amanda to pay attention during the movie

Fed up with Alex’s dogmatic leadership, his droogs leave him to be captured by the police after their murder of a health farm manager.  Thus, his 14 year prison sentence begins.  But Alex desperately desires to get back to his life of crime.  By sucking up to the Minister of the Interior, Alex becomes the first prisoner to partake in a new rehabilitation technique that promises to get you out and keep you out of jail.

By this point in the film, Amanda is more concerned with Twitter updates on her iPhone.  But she reluctantly continues watching as Alex undergoes the “Ludovico Technique.”  The rehabilitation center shows him a series of violent, sex filled films.  Sounds entertaining enough, right?  Leather straps fasten him tightly to his chair. Clamps force his eyes open.  Electrodes monitor his brain activity.  Add the fact that he’s given a drug that makes him feel like he’s going to die in a torrent of his own vomit, and you’ve got one fun filled day at the movies.

As a result, Alex does not choose against crime, he’s simply so physically repulsed by it that all he can do is surrender to his brain’s conditioning.  People from Alex’s past take advantage of his state by carrying out various forms of revenge on our humble narrator.  The results are often darkly comical and provide a spark of philosophical assessment.

But by the end of the movie, Amanda is unimpressed with Kubrick’s visual mumbo-jumbo and is not easily swayed by his attempts at higher thinking.  Two thumbs down was her final rating.  Perhaps if she watches it 200 more times like I have, she’ll come around.  However, there’s one good thing to come out of her watching this film.  She’s now on the hunt to find a robe similar to one worn by Alex’s author victim.  Minus the blood stains of course.

Brett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett Head5 out of 5 Brett Heads (I would give it 10 if I could)

08
Oct
09

#94: Goodfellas

If the whole job thing doesn’t work out, as well as my Bonnie & Clyde-esque capers, my next career path will probably be to join the mob.  And I’ll tell you why.

GoodfellasTwo reasons: Italian food and booze.  As evident in Goodfellas (#94), the two commodities are never scarce when you’re a gangster.  Everyone is well fed and much imbibed with drink.  So what’s not to love?

Well actually… a lot, and Ray Liotta’s character Henry Hill finds out the hard way.  As a child, Henry dreams of becoming a gangster.  So he does what ANY kid from Brooklyn does if he wants to hit the mob fast track: join the corrupt Italian front company across the street.  They’re everywhere, right?

Working for mob boss Paul Cicero, Henry meets all the top Brooklyn gangsters, baddest among those are Jimmy Conway (Robert De Niro) and Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci).  Jimmy is a smooth talking big spender, but plays his cards close to his chest.  Tommy on the other hand has a bit of an anger problem.  If you talk smack on the guy, chances are he’ll kill you.  Or at least stomp on you a few times and stuff you in his trunk.

Life is good for Henry.  He’s settled down with a nice girl, had a few kids, and receives a constant stream of income from his airport heist business.  But that starts to change when Jimmy shoots one too many friends of “the family.”  Oh, and Henry takes on multiple mistresses, which doesn’t make his wife very happy and she threatens to shoot him.  Then there’s the fact that he’s started dealing/taking dope and his friends are getting “whacked” left and right, which leaves Henry always watching his back because he’s a paranoid mess.

Whew.  He might get his meals and drinks for free, but at what a cost.

I’ve wanted to see this movie for a long time.  Martin Scorsese ranks up there as one of my favorite directors.  The fact I hadn’t seen this film until now should really be a crime.  Scorsese paces the narrative so that you can’t seem to pull yourself away.  Match that with visuals that shift with the story and you’ve got yourself a film worthy of a place in the top 100.

The ending of this film was ruined for me.  Not because I have some malicious friend who likes to spoil movies for me.  All thanks to Netflix, the ending was apparent before I even put the disc in the player.  It’s not like the film has a M. Night Shyamalan-esque twist or anything, but you’d like to at least be surprised when you reach the credits.  Netflix on the other hand likes to pass off in its summaries crucial pieces of the resolution as minor plot points.  Here’s the Netflix synopsis of Goodfellas:

Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro chew plenty of scenery, but the focus of this gripping Martin Scorsese opus is real-world mobster Henry Hill (Ray Liotta), a gangster who dreamed of making it big but landed in the Witness Protection Program.

This whole Witness Protection Program thing is only introduced in the last five minutes of the film.  Last five minutes.  If you were a writer of descriptions at Netflix, don’t you think it would be a good idea to not give away any information that occurs in these final frames?  Having this information made me ponder all kinds of things as I was watching.  “When is he going to enter the Witness Protection Program?”  “I wonder what happens that lands him in the Witness Protection Program.”  “Two hours have passed.  Why isn’t he in the Witness Protection Program yet?”

So maybe the mob isn’t a very good choice of employment.  But I potentially see a future in writing Netflix summaries.  At least I’d do better than the broad writing them now.

Brett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett Head 5 out of 5 Brett Heads

05
Oct
09

#64: Close Encounters, #86: Mutiny on the Bounty, #78: Rocky, #37: Best Years

Let’s run through a little Brett’s life by the numbers, shall we?

Months since last blog post: 1

Job interviews since last post: 3

Jobs I’ve gotten since last post: 0

Apartment leases signed: 1

Apartment leases canceled: 1

Anxiety attacks/emotional breakdowns since last post: How high can you count?

Movies I’ve watched since last post: 4

Which means I am over 1/10 done with the AFI list and still a nervous unemployed wreck living with my parents.

Despite all of this, a number of red letter days have transpired in the last month.  Chief among those, my girlfriend finally celebrated her 21st birthday (took her long enough).  A certain special someone (Me) planned an elaborate party and invited all her friends to participate in a booze and Bugle filled evening (Bugle meaning the snack, not the instrument.  Thought it should be mentioned that they were a surprise hit at the party for some reason).

Summer has turned to fall as I watched September dissipate before my eyes.  Events that seemed so far away are now right in front of my face.  The biggest of these events is the wedding of my best friend from high school, Brandon.  Not only am I flying to out to Arizona in two weeks, I am the best man for the ceremony.  A definite honor.  But time is speeding by and I don’t have much to show for it.  Finding other things to occupy my time is high on the priority list.  Also making money.

Truth be told, I thought I’d have more movies watched by this time.  I also thought I’d have a job and an apartment, so I guess you can’t always get what you want.  After seeing 12 of the films on the list, you start to pick up on some patterns that earn a place in the top 100.  Here’s some of the ways:

1. The film makes an important statement about the time period in which it was created. A lot of the movies I’ve watched so far take place and were produced during a significant period of history.  And you know what they say, cinema is always the best medicine for recovering from something catastrophic like say… a war or persecution.  If you made a film that tied a nice red bow on a certain era or held a mirror up to America, chances are your movie made the list.  Congratulations!

2. The film is kind of edgy. The AFI Top 100 loves including movies that use exciting new storytelling techniques.  Well, at least as mind expanding to a degree that a typical classic Hollywood cinema can sit through it.  No there are no avant-garde surrealist films or anything on the list, but many of the movies so far have taken familiar film conventions and nudged them outside the box.

3. The film features big name classic movie stars. A number of mediocre films have made the top 100 solely because of a classic actor or actress on the marquee.  I believe the thinking down at AFI is that a star’s film on the list solidifies his or her place in the history of film.  That’s not to say that a number of notable performances by big name actors are undeserving of their spot.  I’m just saying that if you’re Clark Gable, your chances greatly increase.

And yes, I’ve been quite lazy lately about posting a review after seeing a movie.  I hope prospective employers don’t find out.  I am a self motivated worker.

Close_Encounters_posterFor some reason I really didn’t like Close Encounters of the Third Kind (#64) the first time I saw it  back in high school.  Boy did my opinion change the second time.  Richard Dreyfuss plays Roy Neary, a cable worker who virtually goes crazy after an encounter with an alien spacecraft.  The movie follows Neary as he seeks answers to some of life’s biggest questions.  Things like “What is life like on other planets?”  “Why do aliens visit earth?”  “How come a full grown man still plays with his food?”  Spielberg really is a crafty SOB.  He veils most of the film in mystery at the beginning, but pours on the visual “razzle dazzle” and emotional warm fuzzies at the end.

Brett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett Head5 out of 5 Brett Heads


Mutiny_on_the_BountyMutiny on the Bounty (#86) features more beatings and uses of  the word “seamen” then an average adult film.  Fletcher Christian (played by Clark Gable) leads a mutiny against abusive British Naval Captain Bligh (played by Charles Laughton).  Based on a true story, the movie features lots of swashbuckling fun.  However, after the first hour, you get a little tired of the “Hey, this captain’s a total d’ bag and maybe we should do something about it” story line.  Still, a visually impressive epic for it’s time.

Brett HeadBrett HeadBrett Head3 out of 5 Brett Heads


Rocky_posterPretty much every sports movie in history uses Rocky (#78) as a blue print.  Period.  But while other feel good sports films are nothing more than gimmicky training sequences spliced together, the first Rocky film is one of the few to feature genuine heart.  Sylvester Stallone plays Rocky Balboa, an underdog boxer who gets the chance of a lifetime to fight the current heavyweight champion.  Stallone wrote the script and does a fair job of creating the boxer’s life outside of the ring.  Yes, there are gimmicky training sequences, but come on… it’s Rocky.

Brett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett Head4 out of 5 Brett Heads


best_years_of_our_livesWhen deciding what movie I should watch next, I wanted to find a film that was completely unfamiliar to me.  And The Best Years of Our Lives (#37) turned out to be my favorite film on the list so far.  The story tells of three American soldiers as they return home after World War II.  Al (Fredric March), Fred (Dana Andrews), and Homer (Harold Russell) all live in the same town, but experience a very different postwar reality.  War is hell, but so is afterwards.  Post traumatic stress, unemployment and family troubles are just some of the problems they encounter.  Turns out Harold Russell was not an actor, but rather an actual WWII veteran who lost his hands in the war.  Made in 1946, the themes explored in this film might seem a little fresh for the time period.  However, through superb story structure and characterization, these potentially painful topics are handled with care.  Despite my somewhat morose synopsis, this movie ends happily.  I won’t deny it: I cried.

Brett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett Head5 out of 5 Brett Heads


05
Sep
09

#97: Bringing Up Baby

Summer is coming to a close.  That means I’m supposedly no longer allowed to wear white and I’m beginning month four of TRANSITION PERIOD: THE NEVERENDING SAGA.  Yes, it certainly is time for little Brett to move out of mommy and daddy’s house.

As the months pass, I think more and more like the angst-filled, acne scarred, 17 year old version of myself.  I believe I am above this, but certain situations bring me back to these adolescent reactions.

Example: I got into a fight with my mom yesterday because I left the back door ajar while it was raining.  She said because the door was open, she’d have to wipe up the water, which would postpone her plans to start dinner, but she doesn’t want to make dinner because she’s tired of coming up with meal ideas and having me in the house means she has to do more laundry that she just doesn’t have time for because she works a whole two days a week and cleaning people’s teeth is the worst job ever.  I think I’ll go listen to some Green Day and sulk.

bringing up babyActually, I decided to watch a movie instead.  I was actually pumped about seeing Bringing Up Baby (#97), a comedy starring Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn.  I first thought this film was about an actually baby.  It’s not.  David (Grant) plays a scientist who haplessly tries to avoid love struck, brain dead rich girl Susan (Hepburn).  Even on David’s wedding day, Susan finds ways to terrorize him through a number of screwball situations involving a prized dinosaur bone, an escaped leopard (Baby is it’s name, hence the title) and a cast of zany characters.

Baby is the real star of the film.  She seems to pop into the story out of nowhere like all great plot devices do.  Her cute, yet ferocious acting style should have garnered a Best Supporting Actress Oscar.  But the film’s not my type of humor.  It’s pretty much like any bland romantic comedy storyline, but regarded as classic because it features classic movie stars.  Call me a film traitor.  I don’t care.  A movie with this much bad editing and sappy dialogue should have been knocked off the list.

When all is said and done after stupid fights and stupid movies, I don’t have it so bad.  I appreciate wholeheartedly the hospitality my parent’s offer.  Three square meals a day, a warm bed and laundry service free of charge truly helps me out.  But…it’s time to do what any self respecting 23 year old should do after living for four months with his or her parents: get a life.

I’m looking for more temporary employment.  Good ol’ boring 9 to 5, Monday through Friday work.  I just need to do something other than what I’m doing now.  If an exciting, ideal job finds its’ way into my hands, I shall snatch it.  But with employment figures like these (click on that link and see how bad), just having a job would be blessing.

On the domestic side of things, friend Kyle and I are looking for apartments.  We figure any step towards something other than living with our parents is a step in the right direction.  You could call them baby steps.  No pun intended.

Brett Head1 out of 5 Brett Heads

02
Sep
09

#95: Pulp Fiction

If they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese a “Royale with Cheese in France, then what do they call someone verging on a month of unemployment?  I’m what the French call “les incompetents.”

Pulp_Fiction_coverIf you haven’t guessed already, I had the pleasure of watching Pulp Fiction (#95) with my glorious girlfriend in Springfield over the weekend.  Normally, Amanda would pass on whatever monotonous marathon movie I planned on viewing.  My girl has simple tastes.  Here’s a checklist I usually run through in my head to see if a film is suitable for her viewing:

1. Is it 90 minutes long or less?

2. Is it funny?

3. Was it made before the year 1999?

4. Does it feature Mike Myers, Jim Carey, or anybody from a Wes Anderson movie?

If “yes” is the answer to every question, then it’s a guaranteed hit.  However, Pulp Fiction proves the formula wrong.  Did I mention we even watched her copy?

If you’ve been living under a rock, the film features a dynamite ensemble cast (John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, etc) as their characters intertwine through the California crime circuit. Ask any Aqua Teen Hunger Force fanboy about Pulp Fiction dialogue, and you’ll be met with a philosophical discussion.  This movie contains so many notable lines, the entire script is in the memorable quotes section on its IMDB page. It’s almost like the opening guitar lick of Dick Dale’s “Misirlou” signaled the piss-poor student film renaissance.

17191__pulp_fiction_l

Travolta and Thurman shaking their "groove things"

Girlfriends are good for watching movies with, but they’re even better for picking out job interview clothes.  Just like my mother did when I was six, Amanda entered the dressing room with me at Macy’s and helped me try on pants.  It really is a miracle I’m able to pick out a suitable outfit each morning.  When my girlfriend’s at the controls, my appearance magically goes from “Washed-Up College Grad Living with Parents” to…something better looking than that.  After changing in and out of half a dozen pants, we found the perfect pair.  Not too long, not too tight in my bulbous backside, and just the right color.  Add a spiffy marked down shirt and tie, and I had an outfit that says, “Hire me.”

Unfortunately, the job I interviewed for wasn’t as spiffy as my outfit.  I watched as employees sauntered the warehouse floor in worn T-shirts and jeans.  A woman from the accounting department shook my hand and jokingly commented that I was too dressed up for their office.

The company’s sporadic schedules, odd hours, and extensive travel didn’t sit well with me.  I’d be working freelance in a highly technical position with no other training than my experience at “Podunk University.” Hell, I’d even be driving rigs.  Some might have seen this as an opportunity for adventure.  But right now, my adventurous side wants to get an apartment and watch movies with my girlfriend.  That would be cool, just like a couple of little Fonzies.

Brett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett HeadBrett Head5 out of 5 Brett Heads